After eight endless years in a dead-end relationship with a controlling, abusive man…. I am finally free! Free from hiding things from him, free from my kids having to do so. Free from constant criticism. Free from disappointment of not being “enough” for him.
No more anxiety coming home from work wondering what “catastrophic” events will take place tonight. No longer do I have to act a certain way, talk a certain way, hide my private life, live a double-life. No longer do my children have to try to stay away or walk on eggshells.
Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, we’re free at last!
I will not sugar coat the situation and act like I’m not petrified–I am! My rent just went from $325 per month to $900 per month and the rest of the bills I paid doubled. I am now officially a very single mom-though he was rarely any help anyway-and will need to find family or friends willing to supervise my 11- and 13-year-olds at night when I start my 2nd job tomorrow night. This isn’t new to us, but usually there was at least another “adult” around to keep tabs on them. I make too much to get any public assistance, but too little to give my children the life they deserve and are used to, so unfortunately the second job is a necessary evil for the time being. Some day I will get the raise I deserve and will hopefully no longer have to do things this way. But for now, I get to be supermom!
I’m also not at all used to sleeping alone at night. However, I did go buy myself a new bedset that is TOTALLY GIRLY for the first time in eight years! And I got to keep my king-sized bed, so that is a definite plus… 😉
Though my savings are gone and my life is completely different than it has ever been, I can’t help but realize it is also the best it has ever been. Getting to see the pride in my children’s eyes when they look at our new house and realize I did that for us. The pride they have for me knowing how hard it must be to leave a comfortable (though unhealthy) situation after so many years. The pure love and joy that they exude now that the darkness can’t touch them any more. Though there may come a time when I’m working these two jobs and I’m still broke from paying bills and missing my time with my children that I may cry; I may miss you. But. It is worth working a million jobs and giving my entire self, times ten! My motivation and my whole heart:
So sad, true and beautiful :,(